Your Childhood Narrative and How it Defines You
Family reading bedtime. Mom and child daughter reading a book with a flashlight under the blanket in bed
Having a rough or difficult childhood can leave young adults (typically between the ages of 17 and 28) really struggling to find themselves and to get past the pain they have experienced. That pain doesn’t have to be physical — more often, it’s mental or emotional pain that they have to carry with them, and they may not know how to get help for it or what they can do to feel better. Often there is more to the story, as well, such as a diagnosis of Asperger’s Syndrome, Bipolar Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, ADD/ADHD, or OCD. When those types of diagnoses mix with childhood struggles, it can make a young adult particularly vulnerable.
If you’ve been through a childhood that was difficult or painful, and/or if you have a diagnosis of a mental or emotional health concern, you may find that you’re dwelling on the past a lot. Working through the things that have happened to you isn’t easy, and you can get “stuck” in one spot for a very long time if you don’t get the help you need to keep moving forward. Getting stuck in one place when dealing with childhood pain or trauma can also mean that your mental and emotional growth gets stunted, so you don’t continue to develop the way your peers do. That can make it hard for you to form and keep friendships and relationships, and also make it difficult to fit in or feel comfortable in your own skin.
You don’t have to live that way, though, or just wait around hoping to “get over it” and feel better. There’s so much you can do to improve your situation and the way you feel, even if you’re not sure where to start. Maybe people haven’t encouraged you, or they haven’t told you that you can get better, that you’re valuable, and that your childhood difficulties don’t have to define your life. That doesn’t mean you can (or should) just forget what took place, but it does mean that you can find a way to accept your past and be more comfortable developing and understanding your emotional needs for good mental health.
While a lot of people think that therapy just isn’t for them, or that it won’t help to talk to a stranger about the past, it’s very important that you talk to someone. If you don’t want to work with a traditional counselor, there are many other types of programs you can get involved in so you can have your voice heard by someone who understands. Through exploring your past with a person you trust, from a safe place, you can let go of negative emotions like guilt, anger, fear, and others that are weighing you down. You can also learn to move past the way you see yourself, as you may still feel like a scared child, instead of a young adult. By empowering yourself, you’ll be mentally and emotionally healthier, and can put your childhood difficulties in perspective more easily.