Asperger’s: Chronological vs. Developmental Age

I’ve been researching the connection between Asperger’s Syndrome and Failure to Launch – namely to find what the connection is between the two and what approaches are being used to “solve the problem.” Many parents are of the idea that their adult children with Asperger’s are unmotivated, lazy, slackers who need tough love. This tough love includes cutting the adult off financially, kicking them out of the house, and/or “teaching them a lesson.” I can understand the frustration a parent must feel after devoting sometimes 20-plus years of taking care of their child, but tough love isn’t the answer.

Failure to Launch Syndrome is a common malady of those with Asperger’s Syndrome. The answer is not to cut your child off out of frustration. The answer is to meet your child where they are and to start that meeting long before they are “societally ready” to move out on their own. Society tells us that by the time we’re 18 years of age, we should be near ready to live an adult life. After all, the government says that’s when we’re allowed to vote and when we’re allowed to protect our country in the army. For your young adult with Asperger’s, though, this is not the case.

While your young adult may chronologically be 18 years old, think about how old they are developmentally – are they 10? 12? 14? Would you ever consider allowing your 10, 12, or 14 year old move out on their own? Probably not. Meet your child where they are.

This means that at their chronological age of 10, 12, or 14 they should start learning independent living skills. The learning curve for those with Asperger’s is a lot slower than that of a child without any disabilities.

In order for their child with Asperger’s to “get it,” parents ought to be supportive of the learning process and start earlier than they would with a child not classified as being on the spectrum. What skills has your child mastered? What skills are still left to be learned? Instead of throwing your child in the deep end, consider taking stock of what skills are lacking. Is there a problem with budgeting? Self-care? Employment? Throwing your child out of your home or cutting off resources in the hopes that desperation will pick him up is not the answer. In fact, that can only lead to disastrous outcomes.

A solution many parents are unaware of for their young adult who may have had difficulty picking up independent living skills is residential treatment. Optimum Performance Institute caters to young adults with Asperger’s Syndrome and offers independent living skills at the individual’s pace. For the parent with a full nest who is eager for an empty nest, this is a great solution. OPI offers apartment living with a lot of support. The goal is to eventually move to independent living while meeting life goals of school, work, and socialization.

For more information on Optimum Performance Institute’s Overcoming Failure to Launch Syndrome Program for young adults with Asperger’s Disorder, contact us now by calling (888) 814-5985 or by submitting this contact form.