Skillful Job Search Part 3 – DEAR Skills on the Job

DEAR Skills on the JobThis is the third of four posts discussing our approach to helping OPI Living and OPI Intensive participants with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) find and keep a job. Read Part 2 – Integrating DBT Skills .

In the Department of Volunteer & Career Services at the Optimum Performance Institute, we have found that participants who whole-heartedly commit to a job search tend to obtain part-time work. This includes our population with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). Once a participant interviews and successfully obtains a job, the real work of breaking the cycle begins.

At first, the newness of the job usually inspires a positive mindset and optimistic outlook for the future. During this period of idealization, we like to take a preventative approach by reviewing employee handbooks, listing the positives of the job and discussing skills that could be helpful.

Once the honeymoon phase is over, these tasks become more of a necessity than an exercise. Working with each individual’s schedules, we set up weekly check-ins and make ourselves available by email while setting clear boundaries to remain within the designated times and appointments. This teaches participants about boundaries and structure that will ideally translate to setting their own boundaries in their jobs.  The ongoing check-ins have helped to diminish the rate of impulsive behaviors that lead to longer-lasting jobs, thus breaking the cycle.

If participants experience challenges with co-workers, have a special request or need to advocate for themselves, our therapists may use role-play to practice their DEAR (Describe, Express, Assert, Reinforce) skills  in effective communication. Learning to stop “people pleasing” and saying “yes” when they mean “no” can assist with setting their own personal boundaries. Other recurring issues that participants with BPD often encounter include interpersonal relationships, impulsivity, excessive absenteeism, identity issues and overwhelm or burnout.

Our therapists work collaboratively with clients and their career counselors on consistency. This is important to avoid falling into past patterns of impulsively quitting or getting fired due to lack of effort. Participants are encouraged to incorporate balance, self-care and personal time into their schedules, whether on their days off or after work, when they can do something they enjoy or look forward to. It is essential to teach them that along with responsibility, commitments of work and being “an adult,” they can also find joy. We hope to demonstrate that life is not black-and-white, all work and no play.

Part 4 – Confidence Through Volunteering  of this series explains how volunteering can be effective preparation for obtaining and keeping a job.

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