Techniques for Coping With Social Anxiety

What is your biggest fear? Is it spiders? Snakes? Earthquakes? Heights? Do you avoid these fears at all costs or do you face your fears and work through them? As human beings, we all experience fears and anxiety from time to time, but can you imagine if the one thing you feared most was the one thing that was nearly impossible to avoid? People!

Think of the number of people that you interact with on a daily basis: the bank teller, the bagger at the grocery store, the sales clerk at your favorite clothing store, the Starbucks barista, your boss, your colleagues, your teachers, your classmates – the list goes on and on. Social anxiety is not just a fear of being around people, but rather the constant fear of being judged by others and the fear of acting in a way that will lead to embarrassment and/or humiliation.

I think it is pretty safe to say that everyone has experienced social anxiety at some point in his or her life, though the frequency and severity may differ. We have all been nervous before starting a new school or job or going on a first date, but what if that fear was so debilitating that your palms began to sweat, your heart raced, you got tongue tied, your legs quivered beneath you, your mind started racing a mile a minute, and you experienced a full blown panic attack?

Would you want to put yourself in other social situations if that was your experience? As human beings, we crave contact and connection with others and people struggling with social anxiety are no different. It is unhealthy and undesirable to avoid social interactions and live in isolation, but how does one with severe social anxiety face such an overwhelming fear?

Below is a list of techniques that have been helpful to others in managing their own social anxiety:

• When going to an event or gathering, if possible, show up early and engage in assisting the host with any last minute prep.  You feel involved and use that extra anxiety to serve you (by helping the host).  Showing up early also helps so you can greet everyone one-at-a-time instead of feeling like you have to say hello to everyone immediately, spiking your anxiety.
• Smile and try to be nice to everyone you interact with. In turn, you will notice that people react positively, which is very calming and reassuring, especially when in a new environment around new people.
• Coping ahead helps. When you know you’re going into a social function and there’s anxiety surrounding it, roleplay in your mind how the event will play out. This usually alleviates some of the pressure. Often times, the actual event will be a lot less intimidating than what you had in my mind, so this helps with future events as well.
• When about to give a speech, preparation is key. To be successful, it helps to practice the delivery of the speech, as preparation yields confidence, which is essential to lessening anxiety. Also, practicing socialization (role plays) in a safe environment is also helpful.
• Try to remember that everyone starts new or alone at some point. Everyone has their first day at a new job, a first day of class, a first introduction to a study group or tutor. These acts are normal. Feeling apprehensive is normal. Validate, normalize, accept, and move forward.  It also helps to think about the movie The Breakfast Club. The movie does a great job of showing that underneath our perceptions of who we think people are, is the reality that we are all the same in a general kind of way. It’s a reminder that not only do our past and anxieties define us as a person, but that everyone has their own personal issues they are dealing with.
• Create a buddy system – maybe someone prearranged or maybe just a person you feel most comfortable with. That usually takes care of the awkwardness of having to stand alone.
  Also, knowing that the situation will end and having an “escape time” (unless things are going well) is comforting. Last but not least, when in the moment and you seem to be getting too into your head about things, it helps to know that other people may be uncomfortable too, even if they seem okay. Step outside of yourself and notice things about other people — this interrupts that cycle of thought. As a bonus, noticing things about other people can provide some good opportunities for icebreakers.
• Having something tangible that keeps your attention, like food, a phone, book, or computer, or maybe a task that requires your attention, like cleaning. Sometimes fiddling with something helps, like a pen or loose bracelets or a ring.
• Another great technique is grounding. Catching yourself in the moment: “I feel fragmented. I have felt fragmented before and gotten over it. I will be fragmented again and get over it.” Take some deep breaths: ten deep breaths through the nose, exhaling through the mouth, and focusing on a fixed point on a wall. Then, grounding to the environment by identifying and naming colors and objects in the immediate environment. There is also a pressure point in the palm of the hand that you can apply pressure to help diminish the anxiety as well. And, there is nothing like preparation for a confidence boost. If you are having an interview, giving a talk, or meeting someone for the first time, being 100% secure in yourself and the purpose for what you are doing.

Obviously, there is no quick fix but through preparation, self-soothing, self-talk, and action. Change is possible and social anxiety can become more manageable.